Just A Girl In The World

Wheels are turning...

2007-07-26T14:41:00.001-04:00

So my Travel blog/website has finally gotten off the ground! Definitely a work in progress but I am happy with the rate at which it is going. I think sometimes I can really visualize a project but putting it from my visual in my head to the page is sometimes difficult for me.

So just in case it interests you, check it out:

www.travelnotions.9f.com

It's on a free server for the time being but hopefully with time I can secure a similar domain and get it up and running on it's own account. For now, I'll tinker for free and see where it might go.

Life's Journey

2007-07-03T23:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the plans in life I’ve made don’t always work out the way I think they will. This can be frustrating at times but with a little faith, I’ve learned to believe that all things happen for a reason.

I want to believe that I can do anything. I want to write, I want to dream, I want to travel to distant places…

I wish I knew where to start.

I wish I knew the path that will fulfill my destiny…

Snuck up on me...

2006-12-20T02:07:00.000-05:00

So it seems this year that Christmas has really come quickly... At one point, I thought I was on my way to putting my Christmas shopping list to bed early as I started early, but with less than a week to go, I still have a few people left on my list to shop for...

My mom came into town to put up the tree and decorate with us on December 4th, but it just hasn't felt like Christmas with all the warm weather and no snow. Work has been so hectic and I was under the weather for a week with the flu, so it just seems like everything lately has been a whirlwind of catch up. I took my niece to a Christmas party at the beginning of the month that included a trip to sit on Santa's knee for her to wish for her *big* present which we then had to hunt for to make sure 'Santa's elves' would be able to deliver on.

I sent out my first batch of Christmas cards last week for those on my list who I knew where their addresses were, but for those who moved around, I've just finished them tonight to be posted tomorrow. I know a few will only arrive after Christmas, but I really do believe it is the thought that counts!

Ah well, hopefully a glass of eggnog, some favorite Carols, and a 4 year old will be able to put me more into the Christmas spirit.

Happy holidays, dear friends near and far, may peace be with you for 2007!

Shaking the dust off the bottle...

2006-12-04T14:49:00.000-05:00

So I'm home sick today, but in trying to rest I decided to do some surfing which brought me back to my blogspot pages. It's been almost a year since I've posted - I use my livejournal a bit more than anything else, especially after deciding to pay for it; but I've always liked this website as well, and since I've done some editing of my page today, I think I'll try and update this one on a regular basis as well.

Happy New Year... 2006!

2006-01-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

So it's been way too long a time since I posted. Hopefully with the new year, I will be able to update more often.

I am currently enjoying my new job I started in November. I'm working for a travel website, where once I've completed my first six months I will have all the perks of a travel counsellor. I can't wait to travel and am having a hard time to figure out where I might go.

I've started a paper journal that I plan to write in every day for 2006. It should be an interesting experience. I am hoping it will allow me to be more creative.

Well although much time has passed since I've posted, and I do have much to say; I'm working 12 hours tomorrow so I can't stay as I have miles to go before I sleep.

Here's the cover of the new journal I made to doodle my thoughts over the next year...

peace, love & happiness for the new year!

Heroes are few and far in between...

2005-09-18T00:39:00.000-04:00

So thank you Terry Fox.

For giving so freely of yourself to pave the way for Cancer Research.

Maybe one day soon, we'll find a cure.

Will that be thanks enough for a Canadian with a powerful dream and the drive to bring his vision to life ?

Time flies when you are having fun...

2005-08-05T12:10:00.000-04:00

It's been so long since I last posted...

Life's been busy, but good.

Last time I updated I was turning 30. Well it's been a few months now, and admitting to my age still seems to be a challenge, but I've grown comfortable in knowing of how much I have accomplished already in my life. I guess I'm just waiting for the next chapter, so I can see what the future may hold.

A friend of mine of many years is getting married tomorrow. I wish her every happiness in life and love. They will be honeymooning on a cruise through the Mediterranean, but they fly to London for 2 days and then leave from the port in Dover. My thoughts have not only been on the happy couple's beautiful day; but on the terrorism that has been happening in London. I pray my friend and her husband-to-be stay safe and enjoy every moment of their holiday to celebrate their marriage.

As for the rest of things, well as usual life is hectic, full of responsibilities and cherished moments. Sean & I celebrated our 2 yr anniversary in our relationship in May and things seem to be going well. I can hardly believe it will be a year in September that we've lived together.

Well I'll try to write a bit more often and update a lil more soon. I just hadn't really felt like writing but I think that spell is over with...

peace & love.

Dawn of a new era...

2005-04-18T12:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was 29 years old. I felt invincible, ready to take on the world and whatever it threw at me.

And I couldn't ask for a more beautiful day to celebrate my birthday. Although it is a Monday, which has never been my favorite day of the week; I couldn't ask for a lovelier day. The sun is shining, the clear blue sky has a few light puffy clouds wandering by.

So now, I am 30 years old. With the passing of one day, I feel a million years older. Seems silly, but I guess it comes down to how concious I am that my youth is beginning to leave me, that I must make the transition to full adulthood. Now this does not mean I must never feel young again as I do believe you are only as old as you feel. To me, it means I must finally stop procrastinating and begin to create the better life that I am always telling my self I have time for tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.

The time is now. So I must pick up the torch to light up my life. Aging is never easy, but if you learn just a little with each year that passes, perhaps we can grow into people who can be comfortable to be ourselves in our own skin.

For I want to be able to say I have a full life, rich in love, happiness and laughter. I want to be able to live my life without regret, to be so sure of my path that those nagging thoughts of what if never even come to mind.

In turning 30, I can say I am close to being at peace with my self. I thought I would have known so much more by now about my purpose, of my true calling for I have always thought I might be meant to do something great. However, I think what I have learned is that there is nothing great that matters if you are not surrounded by people you love.

In turning 30, I wish I could say I have loads of wisdom to impart, but really all I've learned is that the road is ahead and just about to begin... Perhaps if I follow my heart I will see that nothing is really far from within my grasp. For if I've learned anything, I've realized that the faltering only comes from doubting what I am capable of.

So hello world at 30, here I come!

RIP ~ John Paul ~ April 2nd, 2005.

2005-04-02T22:15:00.000-05:00

Say a prayer. Wish for peace. Enjoy the moment.

I think this was a very sad ending to a beautiful life full of such purpose.

Go with God now, John Paul, for that is where you belong....

Countdown to insanity...

2005-04-02T21:06:00.000-05:00

Strength. Patience. Silence.

These are all words that I think of when I think of the turtle tattoo I had inked onto my shoulder on my sister's birthday long ago. I wanted something that meant a great deal to me but would not be a big eye sore on my body. I didn't want the tattoo to be too large, so my choices were limited. In the end, I chose this turtle because it reminded me of peace, silence and a strong connection with my own inner strength.

I knew I didn't want to drop my drawers for the tattoo artist either so my shoulder became the easy option. The colour was more the artist's choice then mine - I said green and black, he ended up making it a shaded light to brighter emerald green for the inside of the black outline of the shell.

Now, if you are wondering if it would hurt, well I'm not sure it really did in the end. It was a smaller tattoo and the artist talked to me throughout the whole ordeal to keep me calm. Yet if you asked me the day I had the tattoo done; I would not have been too proud to tell you that I threw up twice in the washroom before my appointment. And that was before I even saw the little needles that would do all the picking that would turn my ink into a masterpiece of tattoo art. So as I sat down to begin my drawing's transformation into permanent ink, I began to feel all gutsy for my rough coming of age moment.

And to this day, I do not regret the beautiful turtle upon my shoulder.

So now, you must wonder what the insanity could be after all this talk of inner strength and enlightenment through a peaceful journey; well... I'm about to cross the depths out to the inner sanctum. Approximately 2 weeks till doomsday - and that would be the transition from my 20s to the ripe old age of 30.

Put On Your Easter Bonnet!

2005-03-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

What a weekend!!!

Since Thursday was also my mother's birthday, I booked the day off to spend with my sister, niece and mom in celebration.

We had an enjoyable day, shopping and then winding up the day with dinner at Red Lobster at my mother's request. Of course, because she can be just as emotional as I am; our gift made her cry. We framed a translucent poem about mothers over a photo of myself, my niece and my sister taken with our Christmas photos.

We all went back to my mom's home in Kemptville to spend a few days together for the Easter holiday. Every minute spent with my niece and family is memorable and I'm glad I was able to get the time off to enjoy the time with them.

Friday, we slept in a bit while my mom looked after my niece as she is usually the early bird that catches the earliest worm. Then we decided to visit the grave of my sister's first child who passed away at 8 months old. Some days, I still cannot believe she is gone, she was such a beautiful baby.

My mom and I have been going about twice a year since she had died, but this was my sister's first time back since the funeral. Part of that is that she doesn't have a vehicle and the cememtary she was buried in is close to Brockville, while she lives in Ottawa.

While we were there, because there was still so much snow, we could not find the marker that marks her grave so I think that upset my sister. My mom reassured her we'd go again, and half the battle was getting up the courage to even visit her grave as it was such a sad trauma my family went through.

So instead we let the sweet angel know we were there, and spent the afternoon taking a drive in and around Brockville. We enjoyed each other's company and I think being with family helped my sister with the healing process, although when you lose a child, I don't think it ever gets easier.

As well her second child is such an amazing blessing, such a character, that we really could not keep a somber mood even if we wanted to. She seems to understand that her sister is in Heaven. I'm just not sure if she completely understand what Heaven is except that her sister is an angel watching down on her. Yet though she is just close to 3 years old, she is such a bright child that lights up all of our lives that I wouldn't be too surprised if she did actually understand.

We spent the evening creating a scrapbook for a friend of my mom's son who is having a little boy soon as well as updating the scrapbook I made for my niece for Christmas.

Then Sean picked me up Saturday morning for us to visit his family for Easter. We went to his grandparents house in Kingston to spend the rest of the weekend enjoying Easter with his relatives. His mom arrived the day before us, and then his great aunt was there when we arrived late in the afternoon.

His grandparents are charming people and so welcoming in including me in their family. They make me feel welcome and are quick to invite me to any family outings Sean is included in. They make me wish that my grandparents had been more involved in my life. I see traits in Sean that obviously come from both of his grandparents and have helped to make him grow to be the man that he is in life.

And even Sean surprised me this weekend, with an Easter surprise at his grandparents... An Easter basket with chocolates and a lovely card letting me know, as always, how much he loves me. And then to further his surprises, he bought me a bouquet of Mums that were in our apartment when we came home...

I would have thought that would be enough to make a whirlwind weekend, but then when we finally arrived at home, my sister asked us to take her cat for the time she is dog sitting my mother's dogs. So off Sean went to collect kitkat and her belongings so she could spend the next week or so with us.

>:-=) <---- my attempt at a kitty kat ;)

Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida

2005-03-10T18:34:00.000-05:00

Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida
Originally uploaded by rowann.

March has come into Ottawa as a Lion and left us with some snowy, windy weather.

Ottawa is known for it's cold weather. It isn't uncommon to have days where the windchill places the temperature at -45 degrees celcius. On these days, it is hard to get out of bed, nevermind drag myself to work.

So I guess in the last few days of blustery winter weather, I am not surprised to find myself dreaming of warmer places.

This photo is from my trip to Florida in November 2001. On this visit down to see my boyfriend at the time, my best friend went down with me to spend the week at the beach.

It was an interesting trip to say the least. And to this day, one of my more fonder memories of my time spent in Florida.

Mhmmm... Just looking at this picture my best friend took while we were on the beach makes me wish I was there. Playing in the warm sand, letting the warm, clear, blue water wash over my body and the golden sun warm my skin.

For the longest time, I thought I would end up living in Florida. My boyfriend at the time lived there, and while visiting him, I fell in love with the beautiful scenery, the palm trees, the lizards, the way strangers would just come up and talk with me because they could tell I wasn't a local from my sunburn alone...

I guess one of the reasons I loved being in Florida besides the lovely sunshine, was that I felt free.

Free to make choices I wouldn't normally choose. Free to enjoy what it was like to just be me. Without any worries, without any distractions, just time to enjoy the company, the sunshine and the beautiful seaside.

I learned so many things about my self during my visits... And even in the turmoil of the relationship finally coming to an end, I still love my Florida memories and the lessons I learned about life in my southern journey...

So I look forward to one day returning and letting the sunshine warm me one more time.

Let's hope March leaves like the lamb.

Oh Happy Day!!!

2005-03-08T15:41:00.000-05:00

Today is International Women's Day.

Celebrate the women in your life.

I was home today, hence all the posting. I work Saturday so I am enjoying my day of rest and relaxation today. The sky is clear and blue, but unlike yesterday, the snow has held off. I slept in, the window had been left open in the bedroom so I had to finally pull myself out of the cozy blankets to seize what was left of a beautiful day.

I've always been an emotional person, but it seems like lately it doesn't take much to set off my sensitive soul. It has never taken much to bring me to tears, but usually I've been a strong enough person to either brush things off or wait until I'm alone to let my emotions go.

So today while using my computer, I had the tv on for background noise and found a show I have enjoyed in the past on the Women's Network - Heartbeats.

It is a show that follows the journey of many patients that are helped by Sunnybrook and Women's College Health Sciences Centre in Toronto. Today they are showing episodes back to back all afternoon, so I caught a woman's story that made me sad and then happy to see the outcome.

A 30 year old woman was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer. She had her masectomy and was undergoing radiation to ensure the cancer had been eliminated from her body. The show tells the story of her illness and then her treatment. They show her ups and downs. She tells us how it feels to go to the hospital each and every day for treatment. And how upset she is when the side effects of her treatment almost halt it completely when she begins to lose too much weight.

But then after 25 radiation treatments, they show her and her husband leaving the hospital. The doctors explain they will follow her progress over the next few years when the dangers of reoccurrence are highest.

I found myself in tears watching how happy this woman was when she visits a lingerie store in Toronto close to the end of her radiation treatment. She was there to be fitted for new bras with an implant that made her feel good about the way she looked again. After her treatment ended, she was going on a trip to attend a breast cancer conference.

Hearing this brave young woman talk about her battle with cancer made me think of how scared one of my friends must have been when she recently went through the ordeal of having a cyst diagnosed and cancer ruled out. As well, my mother has gone through breast cancer and although I already knew she was a survivor; this show made me remember just how lucky my mom has been.

So celebrate the women in your life. Hold them close, appreciate them for who they are and remember to tell them they are loved.

o/` Beautiful Day o/`

2005-03-08T13:56:00.000-05:00

U2 is coming to Ottawa in November!!!

Oh my gosh, I love this band so much and I cannot wait to see them in concert. Of course, both my boyfriend and sister woke me up yesterday morning before I left for work to tell me they had heard the announcement on 106.9FM, the Bear.

U2 added a whole string of new dates for their tour that began in Miami in March. And I am so happy Ottawa was one of the included cities. I was worried they would only include Toronto and/or Montreal...

I cannot wait until next Saturday when the tickets go on sale. I am just so excited about this concert announcement. It definitely helped ease me into Monday of yet another work week.

So wish me luck, for I know this event will sell out quickly.

And in the spirit of love...

2005-02-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

	Love-a-Lot Bear You love to take care of others and people love being around you because you make them feel appreciated. You are very sweet and soft-spoken. You are also a romantic and consider yourself an excellent matchmaker, so you tend to be a bit nosy. But everyone still considers you the sweetest person they know.
*Take the Which Care Bear Are You?* Quiz!**

Happy Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T22:17:00.000-05:00

Let there be love in your heart
A sweet song to lift up your spirit
Laughter to light up your day
And a beautiful soul to welcome you with open arms
For home is truly where the heart is.

~chp 2005

Cherish those you love, today and every day... :)

Brand new day.

2005-02-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

Somehow in all the emotions of yesterday, I neglected to write in my blog on other subjects like I had initially thought I would.

So in recognizing the one thing I neglected to say in all of yesterday's posting, I really do love both my mother and my sister with all my heart, no matter what either of them believe.

Alas, it is a new day and hopefully it will bring with it sunshine, love and forgiveness.

Anyways, it's Monday; so work will be insanely busy and I won't have a chance to worry or reflect on anything but my customers. I'm working 1pm to 9pm, my least favorite shift in the world... but at least Sean will pick me up and I have a vacation day tomorrow.

I pray my mother's doctor appointment today goes well. She'll be in my thoughts, because no matter what, I want her to be well. And I'm sure arguing with either of us didn't help...

Alas, I must get ready for work.

So I must bid adieu...

Broken hearted...

2005-02-06T23:05:00.000-05:00

When I began this blog, I had no intentions of venting about my family on it; because in the past I had an online journal that neither my sister or my mother knew about... so I did the unthinkable, I posted my tormented feelings at times. And then, somehow, after using my sister's computer - I didn't realize I'd left the website in her history. And of course, like any little sister; she investigated. Apparently then she forwarded the link to my mother to read as well.

So in setting up this blog to write my thoughts, ideas, and silly stories; I didn't want to ever write anything that would hurt either my sister or my mother. Especially after I gave my mother the web address so she could see how cool my blog was...

But as they say, you can only understand how oneself might react to any given situation. So in attempting to sort out my own emotions, I have broken my mantra and decided to rant!

My family is in chaos. And I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

One day we're all fine, the next nothing is off limits and I feel like it's round one of a boxing match. All bets are off and somehow I'm left feeling like I somehow am to blame for everything.

If it's not my sister trying my patience, then my mother is upset with me for something I did or didn't do depending on the day. I moved back to this area to be with my family, to appreciate the life I was missing; not to feel so upset with them that thinking that cutting myself off from them is the only way to make things better.

I guess why I am so hurt tonight is a conversation with my mother online that brought me to tears. She understood from a conversation with my sister that I was bragging about going away with my mother, her boyfriend and my boyfriend to New Brunswick in August. My sister hadn't fully known about the trip as I just had the vacation time confirmed with my work, so she felt upset when I mentionned it in passing that this was one of the reasons I'd cancelled a few days of holiday I had booked in March at the same time of her holidays.

Well apparently this was the beginning of all hell breaking loose.

My sister decided that the reasons behind us not telling her were because we like to leave her out of everything. And then she said my mother has me on a pedastool... as if... I have had a rocky relationship with my mother until the last 5 or 6 years when I finally did grow up enough to realize that you only live once and she might not be around forever.

So as that grown up person, I let go of any anger and upset I may have had about my childhood and began to enjoy our relationship as adults. And I believe the distance between us at the time prolly helped in mending our rifts...

My sister told my mother I 'bragged' about going to NB with my mother and that I had told her there was no room for her or my niece. For one, my sister told me a few times she couldn't change her holidays, so I didn't think she could come; and my response was not that there was no room for her; but that she should talk to my mother about it to see if there was room in the hotel room because I didn't know who else was sharing accommodations as sometimes when she's at a Dog Show working it is a group of people travelling together. And in the beginning, I was to just be a stowaway on her travels, until I convinced my boyfriend that if he could get the same timeframe off that I would love to have him come too to do some sightseeing with me during the day and visit with my parents during the evening.

As well, it's my sister's birthday on Friday; and I've done nothing but try to make arrangements so it will be an enjoyable day for her, while she has made plans for the day and hopes that her arrangements with her sitter won't change so she can go out with us.

So with all the words above, I still don't know how or what to say further. I love both my mother and sister, but I can't keep going around the bend with them like this. And to top it all off my mother for some insane reason, thinks that I am jealous of my sister.

Oh my Lord, what could I possibly be jealous about ?

Now, I know my mother is stressed and her health is not 100 % and I really am not out to hurt anyone's feelings because I know how painful it is when someone you love attacks you, but I am also not going to stand for this yo-yo type of relationship where one day everybody loves each other, and the next everyone is at each other's throats. I can't handle it and I don't need it.

I feel I do enough of my share of work at our family relationship, but apparently I am not helping any matters by having a 'chip on my shoulder'; I am still trying to see how that could be possible when I feel I am the one that always either lets things go by not saying anything or smoothes everyone else's feathers enough to be a family at times. I feel upset because my mother actually believed that I would sink so low as to 'brag' about not including Barbara on purpose in a holiday that I was dying to take. I'm hurt because my sister doesn't think for a moment to make better or alternate plans whenever I want to do something with her and my niece, but yet I am not supposed to take it personally so my mother says. How can I not take this personally ?

And now, after posting this diatribe, my mother is going to think I did this just to get back at her because she posted on her blog about how she felt about both of us and what's going on. I urged her to have a blog because I thought she would enjoy it and I knew I would enjoy reading her thoughts as I do believe I've only been blessed with the little gift I do have in writing because of her love of literature and writing. But I didn't expect her to post like she did today...

Ah well, you only live once and I'm tired of being the one that takes everything lying down. So I will hope that eventually things will iron themselves out and we'll all be a family again, but until people grow up I am not sure that can ever happen.

Starry Night ~ Van Gogh

2005-01-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

starry1
Originally uploaded by rowann.

Twinkle, twinkle little star...

I love this painting. I'm never sure if it is the playfulness of the wavy lines or just the happy way the colours all mix around each other.

I haven't been to the Art Gallery since I've moved back to Ottawa. I used to go often when I was a student. I would spend hours wandering around the National Art Gallery, looking at the paintings, wondering what the artist was feeling at the exact moment when they put their paintbrush across the page.

And now, when I think about the art in the National Art Gallery, I remember what I was exposed to in the Broward Art Guild's open houses each time I attended one in Florida. Brilliant minds, bright strokes...and no matter what medium the artists used, beautiful emotions were showcased...

The Guild's openness and friendly people made me almost feel comfortable enough to want to bring in one of my Florida photos to show them what I, an outsider to the native Floridian, would see besides the touristy venues that most captured in their picture postcards. But who am I to critique ?

I so wanted to capture the raw energy the sun brought these people, so easy to be around, so friendly to relate to... They helped open up my spirit, my creative spark rekindled so that I might come home again, refreshed and ready for whatever might come my way...

And maybe that is what Starry Night taunts me with.

For where did the potential I saw in myself while pouring over the exhibits in the Broward Art Guild go ?

Where did that feeling of knowing that if I reached within my own self, I might surprise the world with what might be waiting within ?

Adventures in Babysitting...

2005-01-27T19:26:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted for awhile, the holidays were hectic but joyous... so I thought I'd at least post once in January... maybe I can squeeze in a few more before the month is over... you never know!

My sister's monitor broke down on the weekend. And since it's a lil difficult to go shopping for computer supplies with a toddler, I offered to babysit my niece for the day. She'll be 3 years old in July.

So the lil darling and her mom stopped at the Tim Horton's behind my apartment building to pick up a double double for me and some timbits as a treat. While they were waiting to be served, my niece who has quite the vocabulary for her age, apparently went up to the counter and requested "Can I have a cappucino and a donut ?" The lady behind the counter thought it was so cute, so she gave her some free timbits while she waited for her mom's order.

The day began with some colouring while my sister went over a few details in watching her child. I had offered to take the tyke swimming in our apartment's pool as a bribe to get her to agree to coming over in the first place as of course she wanted to accompany her mom downtown.

My niece and I chatted and coloured; she wanted to know when Sean, my boyfriend, was going to be there. She seems to be pretty attached to him when she remembers he's supposed to be around and when he is there, she clings to him more than me at times. So we read some stories, my sister sent her with a Dr. Seuss book. She said that is the one she wanted her Auntie to read to her, it was called Oh Say Can You Say ?. It was a book full of short stories on each page that were tongue twisters. And of course, she wanted to read it more than once...

Sean arrived after having his windshield replaced on his car, and my niece was so happy to see him. She climbed up on his lap. We decided then that we would go swimming in the apartment pool. So we put all our things together and went down to the basement to cross the length of the building to get to the indoor pool. As we reached the door between our building and the pool; there was a notice saying the pool was closed for future notice. Had it been just my niece and I, I don't think she would have taken this news as well as she did. So we went back up a floor where Sean & her went into the rental office to see what was up. Apparently there was a filter problem that would only be fixed on Monday... but my niece was happy enough because they also picked up a new sticker for Sean's windshield for the parking garage.

My niece can never get enough stickers. When she comes over she asks for them from a happy face strip that I have just for her. I bought her some Hello Kitty and Barbie stickers for Christmas and my sister said she put them everywhere. She can't just have one, she likes to stick them all over her arms... or her face at times. I believe she used to get them as a reward at her old daycare. And as well, my sister gives them to her as a reward for using the bathroom and keeping her underwear dry as she is pretty much potty trained.

My sister called to check on us, make sure we were doing okay a few hours later and to check if she could get away with staying out a while longer. She doesn't have many people to babysit so when she does get a break, she usually enjoys the time at her leisure. However, when she does ask me to babysit, she calls often to make sure I haven't dropped her child on her head at all. Honestly, I think she's just not used to being apart from her when she's not at work; so it's prolly difficult not to check up on whoever is watching her.

So we survived no swimming activities, to arrive back in the apartment to make her mom a card with my scrapbooking supplies. My niece was amused with this, especially using glue to do so. While we were crafting, Sean was taking care of lunch for her. Her mom brought all the snacks and food for her, we just had to make sure she ate something.

So Sean made her chicken strips for lunch. And then he began to do some renovations to our wall unit that his mom had given us. He had to remove another shelf so that my stereo would fit inside the glass doors. And of course, my niece thought she was Ms. Fixit and could help with this as well. So we found another smaller flashlight for her and she tried to aim it so it would help Sean undo the screws in the shelf.

And did I forget how many times you have to ask a 2 year old if they have to go to the bathroom so they do not have an accident ? My sister said every half hour. Every half hour ? Yeah, every half hour... as my sister added that if she had an accident, she would be heartbroken about getting her underwear wet.

While I was babysitting, a good friend of mine, who has known my niece since she was born; dropped by to catch up with me. Of course she had to be shy with him. He's pretty good with children and eventually she was chatting with him as well. She even wanted to take his tea away because she thought it was her mother's empty coffee cup from the morning. (Oh yeah, I forgot about her obsessive compulsive behaviour of having to put any garbage away as soon as possible...)

Alas when my sister finally returned to pick her up, I was pretty baby'd out... I have quite a bit of patience, but I'm not sure I would be able to do that 24/7. I think of how my sister manages to take care of her as a single parent and wonder how she does it some days...

Before my niece was born, I moved back from the Toronto area to help my sister through her maternity year. Sometimes we argue a lot, but nothing will ever make me regret coming home to see my niece be born. I wonder if there is anything that amazing, as watching a new life come into this world. For nothing is as precious as this child is to my family.

So she's 2 years old, and I find my self wondering how amazing she will be when she's a few years older because she is such a wonder for this age... what will the future hold for her ? I can't wait to see...

Love ya baby girl... hopefully next time we'll go swimming...

Family drama...

2004-12-19T17:23:00.000-05:00

princs1
Originally uploaded by rowann.

So the holidays are upon us, and for once in a few years I am happy to say I will not be working!

I am off from Dec 24th to the 27th and then again from December 30th to January 3rd.

And during this time, I will be spending Christmas at my mom's house. I cannot wait! I'll be arriving on Christmas Eve and staying through til the 27th of December.

This will be my first Christmas spent with my family because I was in retail where we were open every Christmas Day and then in a call centre that also remains open for the few people that call in on Christmas Day.

The holidays will be eventful as my younger sister and her daughter are coming out with me. The last six months things have been estranged between my mother and sister, so we'll see what happens...

Aren't the holidays always hectic ???

Words Left Unsaid...

2004-12-19T14:40:00.000-05:00

Return To Me

As the sun casts shadows that fall across the front steps
I sit and wait
Wondering when he'll return
If he is ever coming home again
Some days I'll hear his voice sweetly calling my name
I feel his presence at times
Yet when I turn around, no one's there
And I am left all alone
The wind echoes your laughter
Everywhere I see remnants of you
What happened to make you leave me ?
I miss you listening to my prayers
Helping me to believe dreams can come true
I need your strong silent strength
To guide me through the tears
I wonder if you hear the wishes I make on the stars
Of if you know how much I love you
Words not spoken often enough
If I had forgiven your mistakes then,
Would you be here with me now ?
If I tell you how sorry I am,
Sorry I did not understand
I was just a child wanting her father's love
As I look in the mirror,
I no longer see your little girl
Staring back at me
But your daughter, a grown woman
And although no longer a child,
I still wish you would come back to me Daddy
To fill the ache missing you inflicts on my heart
And I realize yet again that you'll never arrive to greet me
As I wait upon our front steps.

~ chp ~

Miss you now & always Daddy, RIP December 19th, 1990

Yesterday's road trip...

2004-11-15T20:01:00.000-05:00

Timbit donuts - to keep 2 1/2 year old child sedated in car seat

Triple, triple Timmy's coffee - to keep above child's Mommy happy

Sausage 'n Egg Mcmuffin - to keep driver happy

All of the above to keep me sane, definitely priceless!

Great visit with some of my family yesterday :) Stay tuned for photos...

Rememberance Day

2004-11-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

Lest we forget... what do those words mean to you ?

My grandfather was active in the war. And only once my father passed away, did I really know anything about his years of service. I am thankful he survived unlike many others who served our country in those times. And I really wish he had shared more about those times, as painful as his memories may have been; I definitely appreciate Rememberance Day more than some due to my Grandfather.

He passed away in February, and not a moment goes by when I don't miss him. He was a pillar of strength to me, always full of love for those around him.

Compassionate, kind, & gentle; I cannot think of him as a man of war. But indeed, he stepped forward to do his duty and for that I am thankful. I try to appreciate his efforts as part of the plea for peace in such a craZy world.

And this morning, during my moment of silence, I wished for peace to find a way to thrive each and every day. For I know in my heart, my grandfather was not the only veteran that would agree the best way to honor their memories would be to Never Forget.

With a click of my heels...

2004-11-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

shoe
Originally uploaded by rowann.

My name is Dorothy, and these are my ruby slippers...

Hehehehe... so Sean & I went shopping on Sunday. I was intent on getting a new purse. So we visited quite a few different stores in search of a purse that would strike my fancy.

So I came home with one less purse... but with a brand new addition to my shoe wardrobe.

And I must say, I love them!

*despite the bowling reference someone made...

It's 4 am...

2004-11-07T04:17:00.000-05:00

I can't sleep.

Could be because I woke up with a migraine this morning and ended up sleeping til about 3pm today in hopes of getting rid of it. I got out of bed for about an hour at noon to have some oj, but eventually fell back asleep between 1:30pm and 2pm.

So now, I have no migraine *YaY* but I'm wide awake.

Infinite Wisdom.

2004-10-27T21:04:00.000-04:00

"You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. - from "Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah"

I have read Richard Bach's writings over and over many times; and it seems that each time, I find new bits of wisdom that truly amaze me. I never thought this would be the road I'm travelling, yet I am still learning moment to moment.

Silly ol me...

2004-10-26T21:44:00.000-04:00

I love packages... ebay seems to send them to me, I wonder why... could be I look in their lovely lists and then voila, someone hears me wishing, and they are at my door... cuz we all know shopping is passe!!!

hehehehe lol :)

Love Of My Life ~ Sean

2004-10-24T18:23:00.000-04:00

On top of the world
Originally uploaded by rowann.

Today is our 1 yr, 5 months anniversary. Sometimes I cannot believe that it has only been a lil more than a year as most days it seems like we've been together forever. And I'm sure we will be.

Love you honey. Today, tomorrow and always.

Waves...

2004-10-24T15:07:00.000-04:00

fbeach
Originally uploaded by rowann.

If I had to choose just one place on earth to visit, it would be the Ocean.

Blue, calming water, lapping the shore tenderly or crashing against a pier... It soothes my very soul and reminds me of so many happy memories.

For awhile, I was visiting Fort Lauderdale every month because I was involved with someone who I met who lived there. Looking back, I miss the Florida that I fell in love with at the same time as the love affair.I will prolly expand more on my Florida adventures at a later date, but I wanted my second post to be about the beach...

Because now that the relationship has ended, it is Florida and the Ocean that I miss the most.

And as soon as I would step off the plane, it hits me, that in moments, I'll be driving along the A1A highway where I can see the ocean, smell it's wonderous scent and then touch my toes in it's wonderous waves...

Cool to the skin against a hot Florida day, but so refreshing... and if I close my eyes I can almost see the Ocean in my mind.

Grrl has arrived...

2004-10-23T14:30:00.000-04:00

At 19, I was young, and very impressionable. I strongly believed I was truly invincible. I had all sorts of ideas, thoughts, and impressions about what the world was like. And of course, as I was preparing to venture out on my own, I thought I knew where my life would take me. So when the time came to fill out my highschool Yearbook list of ambitions, cherished moments, and favorite expressions; I chose this quote to sum up my existence so far.

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans." ~ Christian Slater in Kuffs

And ten years later, this quote still rings true for me about my existence every day. No matter what plans I make for the future, it is the day to day existence that has made me reconsider what I want in life and how to make that happen. For if I have learnt anything in life; it is this - nothing is ever certain, so enjoy every precious moment. Because it is not the destination that matters, but the journey that takes you there.

So welcome to my blog, I'm just a girl in the world.
I could be anyone, anywhere; free to be anything I want to be...

o/` Where are you going ? where do you go ?Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars ?If along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me Until a brighter day and you're okay o/` ~ Where are you going ? ~ DMB